2:26AM

[marahuyo]

i accidentally scrolled through my old twitter dms and i saw all the past conversations i've had with the people i met over the years. some of these conversations are years old, some left hanging, others completely abandoned. it was heavy with dust and time. 

it made me reminisce for a bit and remember just how many people i made friends and connected with. i used to be so friendly, making sure to reach out to meet new friends. always eager to strike up a conversation. i tried so hard to hold and prolong those talks in hopes of keeping them around or so they wouldn't think i was boring and they wouldn't tire of me and eventually stop being friends with me. i wanted so hard to be liked.

why did i try so hard?

all those conversations dried up in the end, anyway. they died their own natural deaths, i guess. 

these days, i keep a very small and intimate circle. you could even call it stifling with how small it is. even then, it's not like i get to talk to every single one of them constantly, nor do we share similar interests now. 

i guess i don't have much energy to expend on making new friends anymore. i don't see the ned to play the part of the friendly extrovert any longer. sure, i still wish i had more friends than i do sometimes, but i'm simply grateful for the people that do stay and make an effort to keep their place at all. i understand now that i have a limited reserve of energy for the people who really matter.

i'm not always going to be as important to some as they are to me, but it's a fact that i'm going to have to learn how to live with. because that's just the way that the universe and relationships work, i guess.

*

2:52AM

it's always up to the living to tell the stories of those who have gone ahead of us. 

my dad probably would have loved netflix.